how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
