just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The beer is more important than you right now.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
