playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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