i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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