u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
