I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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