I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
