it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
