Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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