should my penis look like a turkey
I just found puke in my bra..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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