I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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