By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
