Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
