Sry I called you an 8
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
