Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize