At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
