im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
