Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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