I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
