Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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