i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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