Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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