is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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