Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
my liver is dry heaving
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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