It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
