i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
