The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
