First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
