DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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