My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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