So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
