We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
