You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
