And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
