what day is it and did you see me today?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
