Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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