this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
