I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
