im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
