You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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