i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Alive.
So much puke
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
