the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
