I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
