Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
