he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
