just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
