Where did you get a picture of my penis
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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