He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
