There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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