and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
