the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
