haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
