do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize