: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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