Jerry, you need to find god
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize