So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
