i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
