I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
