My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
