we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
