i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
