I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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