they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
