Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
