I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize