My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
