Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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