My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
