So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
