Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
