In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize