you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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