I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
