my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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