I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
