people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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