I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
