You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize