you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
