You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
