It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
