Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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