EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
