I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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