I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
