Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
