so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
PANTIES FOUND
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
