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• (443): View more from Maryland

  told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Sorry- wrong number! :)

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• (858): View more from California

  I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it

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• (818): View more from California

  You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.

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• (323): View more from California

  All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again

  (424): View more from California

  I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.

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• (516): View more from New York

  I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn

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