I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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