Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
