u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
