so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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