having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize