Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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