my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
