my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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