Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
