the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
