just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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