I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize