He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
