my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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