You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
