just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
