it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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