Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
