ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize