HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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