Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
