why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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